Omnipresence Culture

In my autistic ramparts, I am invincible.

Inside my powerful walls, I am untouchable.

I live in an event horizon, where pain and light can enter, but can never escape.  All of my life, I’ve lived behind my defenses, invincible, untouchable… never lonely.

Everything changed when I married.  After my divorce, and Mom’s death, the big house appeared much bigger… empty.  For the first time I felt lonely.

I always liked to be alone.  For the past twenty-eight months, being alone has been agony.

I am not the man I used to be.

I am lonely.

If it wasn’t for Rene, I would have no one in my life.

Many would say that it’s a good thing for me to crave human contact.  They would say that my loneliness proves that I am human.

I suppose they’re right.

And yet… I’m alone even when surrounded by the world.

I need to be everywhere, instantly in my mind.

I cannot perceive surroundings as others can.

I live in an event horizon.

My past is in Rome, my mind and body is in the heartland, my heart is in Dixie Land, my future is out west, and my soul is in heaven.

I refuse to be anywhere—I choose to be everywhere—and if this continues, I will die nowhere.

Rene's Battles

Rene has battled mental illness for many years now.

Yeah, right—who hasn’t?

I mean, like I’ve told more than one psychiatrist: in the end, we’re all a little bit off center.  It’s hard not to be when you live in the modern world we’ve created.

I normally get a laugh when I’m so direct.

Because of her mental condition, I pay special attention to people and situations around Rene.   Aside from family, friends can play a significant role in Rene's mental outlook.

There's Vicky, who is her closest friend.  Vicky lives several states away but regularly keeps in touch.

I love Vicky.

Rene loves her too.

Vicky is honest, and genuinely cares about Rene.  She’s been Rene’s friend for many years.  I wish she lived closer so Rene could see her more often.

Then, there's Kendra, who lives close by and will regularly use Rene as support against her domineering mother.  Kendra’s life at home sucks and she will frequently call Rene crying about some bad incident that’s happening.

There's Claudia, who's always asking Rene to take her somewhere, but never offers to contribute for gas.  What's worse than this, Claudia's personality is toxic in many ways.  She's nearly always depressed when she calls and I’m often concerned that it drags Rene down to talk to her too often.

Finally, there’s Ruby.  Ruby is… well, she’s a woman with little regard for which man she wakes up next to in the morning.  She gets around.

Rene helps her out, mostly by being a sounding board.  Rene will listen to Ruby’s latest and greatest sexual experience, or listen to the latest drama that had occurred in her life, offering comment when appropriate.  Rene’s like that—always willing to help someone in need.

I try not to be overprotective, but it’s hard not to.

I love my sister.

I don’t want her ever to end up in the mental institution again.